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Unless you’re a genetic anomaly, you’re bound to meet folks you don’t like at some point during your life. You’re certain to run into someone you don’t get along with, whether it’s your mother-in-law or one of your coworkers.
It’s important to remember that nobody is flawless, according to Deep Patel, author of A Paperboy’s Fable: The 11 Principles of Success. You are part of that.
Patel discusses how successful people cope with people with whom they don’t get along in a blog article for Entrepreneur.com. After all, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to avoid working with individuals you don’t like — in fact, Patel contends that limiting who you may work with just limits you.
Rather than burying your head in the sand, try shifting your perspective in the manner of successful individuals. Here are a few pointers to consider.
1. Express your feelings calmly and consider using a referee
In most cases, how we communicate is more essential than what we say. If someone is bothering you on a regular basis and it’s causing you problems, Patel believes it’s time to speak out.
However, conflict does not have to be hostile. Patel suggests using “I” phrases like “I’m annoyed when you do this, therefore could you kindly do this instead?” Being as descriptive as possible will increase the likelihood that the recipient will understand what you’re saying. It will also allow them to express their side of the story more effectively.
According to Krauss, using another individual as a mediator in these debates might be a good idea because they can offer impartiality to the situation. You may not become friends, but you may discover a method to connect and collaborate effectively. She claims that learning to deal with people who are tough to work with is a rewarding experience that may be used to demonstrate your ability to overcome obstacles.
2. Pick your battles
It’s sometimes just easier to let things go. There are some things that are not worth your time and attention. You must decide whether you truly want to engage with the person or whether your time would be better spent going on with your work or whatever else you’re doing.
The easiest approach to figure this out, according to Patel, is to consider whether the problem is situational. Will it pass in time, or will it worsen? If it’s the latter, it could be worth putting some effort into figuring it out sooner rather than later. You’ll probably get over it quickly if it’s merely a matter of circumstance.
3. Don’t be defensive
Don’t bite if someone is continuously dismissing you or focusing on your weaknesses. Being defensive is the worst thing you can do. According to Patel, this will only increase their authority. Instead, focus your attention on them and begin probing questions, such as what their specific issue is with what you’re doing.
If they begin to bully you, confront them. If they want you to respect them, they must first earn it by being civil to you. In a blog piece for Psychology Today, Dr. Berit Brogaard, a neuroscientist, outlines how workplace gossip and bullying can be used as a form of power play or to force others into submission.
There are psychological methods you can use to get someone to agree with you if you want to be sly. When arguing with someone, research suggests speaking faster so they have less time to digest what you’re saying. Slow down if you think they might agree with you. This will give them time to process your message.
4. Ultimately, remember you are in control of your own happiness
It can be tough to see the larger picture when someone is really getting on your nerves. You should never, however, allow others to limit your happiness or success.
If their statements are truly bothering you, think about why. Are you embarrassed about something at work, or are you worried about something? If this is the case, concentrate on it rather than listening to other people’s criticisms.
Stop comparing yourself to others because you are the only one who can manage your emotions. Instead, remind yourself of all your accomplishments, and don’t give someone power over you simply because they have a bad day.
Opinions expressed by California Gazette contributors are their own.
